Eureka!!

We're taking a family "vacation" right now. And the reason I use the quotes is because we had dismissed the idea of a vacation this year due to the added cost of my return to school and the extra day care costs we're going to incur. However, since we didn't want to allow the summer to pass without doing something as a family, we pieced our vacation together. Monster and Monkey are with me at my parents' house and Man went to visit his mother (who is in a nursing home). He'll be back on Monday and we'll do a day trip to the beach and then head down to Charlotte for a couple days of the Discover Place and Great Wolf Lodge. Is it the week at the beach we hoped for?No. But the boys will have a blast and will remember this for quite some time.

The eye-opener for being gluten-, soy- and dairy-free while on vacation begins and ends with eating out. Gone are the days when we get to drive-thru Mickey D's (the Man and I always liked the excuse to eat junk food and the boys never turn down a Happy Meal), bagels for breakfast aren't happening, neither is IHOP. So, armed with sandwiches made with gluten-free bread, fresh fruit and vegetables and some funky gluten-free cookies, we made the drive to Raleigh, NC.

Today, hope came in the form of Bisquick and Borders book store. Did you know Bisquick makes a gluten-free mix? I made pancakes with it and almond milk and it was AWESOME--and since pancakes are one of Monster's favorite foods, it was an amazing find. Borders in this are closing and I managed to find a gluten-free baking book and an Eating Local cookbook that was worth it's weight in gold--and was 20% off plus an additional 10% member discount. So, even though eating junk food at the bowling alley is out, I have a line on cookies and cupcakes and puddings and main dishes that make me want to run out and raid my farmer's market for more food than our family can possibly eat in a month.

Right now, I feel positive, energized and hopeful. I'll see if I still feel this way after we go to Great Wolf Lodge. That will be our true test.

Wrapping my head around it

I think I've gotten my head around the change of pace around here and it's all thanks to nachos.

The Maniacs can no longer have the pizza that has been a Friday night staple in our home. Since the cheese and the bread are now out, we gotta rethink things. I'm not going to make two sets of dough for the family--I have a hard enough time making one, plus, gluten-free pizza dough takes a truckload of ingredients.

Help comes when you need it.

As I was lamenting to my sister, she said "why don't you have nachos?" The woman's a genius. Corn tortillas are safe and I can bake them myself to crisp them up, we've found a rice cheese that we all really like. I can make it with beans, ground beef/diced chicken, avocado, throw on some salsa, olives, tomato and lettuce and we can sit it in the middle to eat it.

My Friday night dilemma is solved. Now, if I can get shrimp scampi made with spaghetti squash (and no butter) and not have my family notice...

If I get enough going, I may have to write a cookbook...

Oh, For F*ck's Sake!

Things today that I've found out contain soy, wheat or dairy:

Peanuts. Yes, peanuts. At least Publix brand dry-roasted ones.

Almond butter, if you aren't watching the ingredients.

Edamame (yes, this should have been obvious, so I have no idea why this took me by surprise)

McDonald's French Fries. Are you F*CKING KIDDING ME?!?!

Rice Crispies. I suspected as much, but was hopeful.

Quaker Oats

I currently just want to cry. I feel like I have spent my entire weekend cooking. I was supposed to go grocery shopping today and, after planning my menu, I just didn't have it in me. I need to have easily portable meals for the Man and the Monkey (who has karate camp this week). Man doesn't do leftovers. He wants his turkey sandwich and his cheese sandwich, his yogurt, his orange and his Baked Cheetos. I've been making this for him every day for years. It rarely changes unless I'm out of something. Monkey starts his morning with chicken nuggets. I have no idea why, but that's his breakfast of choice. Mini wakes up wanting cereal. I need to hit Trader Joe's, but that adds a fourth store to my weekly routine. I'm an avid couponer and hate paying full price for ANYTHING. I save an average of 40-50% weekly and this whole Special Diet thing has kicked my cheap ass sideways. So, after I hit Publix, Walgreens and the international grocery (and/or the farmer's market (produce ain't cheap and we went through a lot of it BEFORE we went gluten-free)), now I have to make sure I hit Trader Joe's.

OH FOR F*CK'S SAKE!!!!

I'm going back to school in the fall. My oldest is starting kindergarten. I DON'T HAVE THE F*CKING TIME TO GO TO 4-5 DIFFERENT GROCERY STORES AND MAINTAIN A MARRIAGE! Have you ever TRIED to take kids to a grocery store? IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS!!! It's never fast. It's never easy. It makes me want to scream.

To top it off, Monster's nasty diapers have been more frequent and more explosive. I had to change clothes, sheets and the WATERPROOF mattress pad. Is this going to get better? I know it's only been a few days, but I didn't think things would be getting worse.

Wait...we can't order pizza??

Man and I went on a date last night. I will say that the thing I miss most about the early days of our marriage (other than being paid for the work I do) is going out with my husband. And going to the movies. It was a pretty low-key evening--just met close friends out for dinner and drinks and headed home.

And I had a Cupcake Martini at KellyKakes in downtown Roswell that had me practically licking the glass...but that's a different post for a different blog.

I'm getting to the point now, I promise...

At 4:30, with our sitter coming at 5:30 and me not even in the shower yet, it dawned on me that we had to feed our children and ordering a pizza was no longer an option. By the time I showered and got myself as pretty as I was going to look, I had to haul some serious booty to get the boys fed. I hadn't gone to the farmer's market yesterday morning, I hadn't run to the store. I had some lentils, cherries, rice noodles and Johnsonville Italian Sausage. And some fresh basil from my garden.

They got it all. Okay, yes, the sausage wasn't the best call, but Monster is already entirely too thin and I really don't need Child Services on my doorstep because he's losing weight.

All in all, it was far from my greatest culinary effort. I didn't even taste it beforehand because we were REALLY LATE. In fact, judging from the uneaten portions, I'd say they pretty much hated it. All I can say is "boys, I'm trying." I have no clue what I'm doing here and I'm being forced to rethink pretty much everything about how I cook.

Well, that was painful

Let me go ahead and state that this whole No-Gluten, No-Soy, No-Dairy Way of Life isn't hardest on Monster or Mom. It's going to freakin' kill the Man and the Monkey. Monkey looked at the roasted purple potatoes with onion, fresh thyme and baby portabella mushrooms and said "this is disgusting." The steamed carrots sauteed in honey mustard sauce went over like a gold-plated turd, as well. The only thing Universally accepted was the grilled chicken thigh, which was the first thing cleared from . The Man knows better than to comment about the vegetables on his plate (I'll effing kill him), the Monkey is still learning, the Monster snarfed dinner like it was going out of style.

I talked with Dr. Kelly today. I had a boatload of questions about "just how far" I had to go with the Gluten-free way of life. I was also quick to tell him that the Monster was NOT the issue...the Man was.

Renewing the blog

In case you have been following this blog (which I doubt), you may have noticed that there are no posts since November. Mostly because that set-up took a LOT of work. I mean, come on! How logical was it for me to itemize how much I spent on every single item??? And then I'm writing out my menu and itemizing how much it costs per meal--FOR EACH MEAL?!?

I was on crack. Figuratively, of course.

My interest in this blog has been revived.My youngest son (who shall be henceforth known as Monster and turned 3 in February 2011) continually showed no interest in potty training. I've been trying everything (no more advice. I'm at the "If I Get One More Piece of Potty Training Advice..." point of the program. I keep going back to one thing: digestive issues. Basically, the kid has had diarrhea for two and a half years, has barely hung on to the 10th percentile in height (Dad is over six feet and I'm 5'8". Yes, there are some shorter people in the family (and I don't care if he takes after them), but I just don't believe that he's supposed to be particularly small). I've asked his doctors, I've seen a GI doc, I've had a developmental neonatalogist tell me "you're just going to have to get rid of your preconceived notions of this child and accept that he's not going to be very big" (this is the same bitchface to told me my kid was autistic. We didn't go back).I've asked nurses, changed doctors and all anyone has told me is that he has no food allergies (he's been tested), that I just need to give him some yogurt and bananas and he'll firm right up.

I did what they told me and the kid had diapers that exploded for the next two days.

I finally called bullsh*t on them. It was either that or become resigned to the fact that he's going to college in a diaper.

I took him off dairy a couple weeks ago and we went from 6-7 poops per day to 1-2, but I still wasn't convinced that was all there was to the story. He still couldn't control it (I won't get into how. It's gross and you don't care. If you do care, drop me a line. I'll give you the ins and outs.). I asked around and heard about a chiropractor named Dr. Tim Kelly who is supposed to be a guru with digestive issues (among other things...www.drtimkelly.net). I've never given much credence to chiropractors, but there was no doubt that it was time to try a different approach.

We went to see Dr. Kelly yesterday. He absolutely took his time and thoroughly explained what his profession is about and explained the cycle of what's happening in Monster's body. I took a Monster's food diary and, basically, I'm feeding my kid completely wrong. F*ck. I was given supplements to help clean out his system and a guideline of how to feed him. No gluten, no soy, no dairy (at least I had that right!), lots of fresh vegetables and meats high in Omega-3 fatty acids (Wild game, grass-fed beef, eggs and seafood).

We left the office 3 hours later. Monster and Monkey (Monster's big brother) were starving and I was completely ill-prepared for the undertaking. So, what was our first meal? Pasta. Way to go, Mother of the Year.

I did spend most of the night on the internet looking up dairy-free, gluten-free and vegan recipes. I need to do some serious grocery shopping.

So, Day One:

Breakfast: trail mix, dairy-free smoothie with supplements given by Dr. Kelly, Almond milk

Snack: Grapes, Orange sections

Lunch: Grilled skinless chicken leg, carrots, hummus, grapes, fruit juice

Snack: popcorn popped in coconut oil, almond milk

Dinner: Grilled tandoori chicken kebobs, roasted new potatoes with leeks and mushrooms, carrots with honey-dijon sauce, dairy-free smoothie with supplements.

Still lacking in Omega-3s, but I have a bunch of kids under the age of 6 running around my house today. I'm not leaving the house for anything other than ER visits and the liquor store.

Week of 21 Nov 2010 Mealplan

Just for the record: HOLY CRAP this took a long time to figure out. The menu was easy...it was all the prices that were a total P.I.T.A.

This week is going to be Quick 'n' Dirty, as we are headed out of town at Crack o'clock on Wednesday morning to bask in the glow of my mother's amazing cooking. That also makes it a great way to start off this project. It's also going to involve at least one Happy Meal because the MiniMen are home from preschool. All. Week. Long.

I guess I should have budgeted in some wine.

That being said, here's the meal plan for the week (No, it doesn't include tax). A lot of my prices are based on what I could find in the Kroger and Publix circulars, since I had them in the pantry and don't remember what I paid for them. If I couldn't find it there, I looked it up on Amazon. I hope to give a better idea of what I'm paying as I move forward.

Monday

Breakfast: Oatmeal (1 cup (2.8 oz) @ $.10/oz)= $.28 with

Milk (2 cups @ $.33/cup)= $.66

Bananas (1 @ .30/ea)= $.30

Raisins (.25c (1.4 oz) @ $.17/oz)= $.24

Apples (.5lb @ $.99/lb)= $.50

Total: $1.98

Lunch:

Man: Turkey and Cheese Sandwich ($2.20)

Cheetoes (baked) ($.50)

Yogurt ($.31)

Orange ($.50)

Sugar Snap Peas ($.35)

2 Diet Cokes ($.46)

Man's Total: $4.32

Minis: Baked Chicken Nuggets ($1.05)

Sugar Snap Peas ($.35)

"Squishy" Carrots ($.38)

Pretzels ($.32)

Minis' Total: $ 2.10

Dinner: Grilled Chicken 12 oz@ $2.09/lb ($1.57)

Salad "To-Go" ($2.61)

Steamed carrots/mixed veggies ($.68)

Barley "Risotto" ($5.49)

Tuesday:

Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs ($.75)

Banana ($.30)

Lunch: Man: Same as Yesterday ($4.32)

Minis: PB and J ($.91)

Sliced Cucumbers ($.50)

Orange sections ($.50)

Dinner: Cheese Ravioli ($2.99)

Homemade tomato sauce ($1.57)

Homemade bread ($.60)

Salad ($2.61)

Okay, as far as a first menu pass goes, this was a decent learning experience. First, I need to start the menu plan earlier...trying to get this out for a Sunday afternoon post was a TOTAL fail!!

I welcome any questions or comments, oh dear lone reader that I have.